I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
