I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize