I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize