I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
