the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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