But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
