Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Enjoy the penises
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
