So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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