This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i need an iv and a liver transplant
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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