Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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