why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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