Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I lost the right to judge tonight
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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