; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
