Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
