That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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