I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
