Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
