If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
