is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
