do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
