I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
