I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
