don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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