I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I'm having to shit out rocks
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize