you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Randomize
