He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
