Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
His nipple licking is glorious
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
