and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
