woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
we should paint friendship bongs
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
