I saw his package. It spoke to me.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
