I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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