She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
