Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
