Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
