Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
