She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize