This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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