oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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