Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
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