Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
