I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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