Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
