can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize