is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
