Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
