So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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