she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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