I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Randomize
