we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
