i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize