I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
