We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Randomize
