pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
