The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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