Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
