So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I forget how to act sober
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
