not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Randomize
