Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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