when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
