So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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