***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
