she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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