My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
