the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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