Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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