Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
