Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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