Don't you send me to vm
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
