You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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