Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
