im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I hope mine doesn't look like that
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
her facebook's as public as her vagina
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
