lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
