I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
